West Ham’s Erotic Football Strip

Sexy football is back! West Ham will brave ridicule next season by wearing pink on their home shirts as part of a saucy new sponsorship deal with erotic retailers Ann Summers. The chain of high street stores, famed for sex toys and lingerie, are owned by David Gold, joint chairman of the Hammers.

According to the Daily Mail this is a tantalising first glimpse of the new shirt, with pink flashes added to the traditional colours. Chief executive of Ann Summers, Jacqueline Gold, said: ‘I am extremely happy with the cheeky pink addition to the claret and blue. ‘We feel it truly represents the large number of female fans who support West Ham.’ I forgot it is important to take into account the female portion of your fans when designing a new strip. Who cares about homosexual chants from opposition fans? Only the male contingent of Hammers fans.

Dog testicle tickling party

If you thought that the spoof documentary about dog shows, “Best in Show”, was a little exaggerated, think again. The reality of life in the upper echelons of showing pedigree dogs can be more bizarre than a film director could ever imagine.

A video taken at the Crufts Dog Show recently proves the point, but it needs a little explaining. A prize-winning Bulldog, according to the Kennel Club breed standard, ought to “convey an impression of determination, strength and activity”. The problem is: how to make a bored Bulldog look like this?

The handlers in the show ring seem to have found a method, which as the video shows, has become almost universally popular: hold the dog’s head steady by grasping his collar with your left hand, and with your right hand, gently tickle the base of his scrotum. This action with the right hand is guaranteed to make any dog stand still, while adopting an understandably “questioning” facial expression. Apparently this can boost his prize-winning chances.

Who wouldn’t have a “questioning” expression if some dog handler was tickling your scrotum?