Archive for 2010/06/04


WTF! Award Winner.
Uganda doesn’t like homosexuality. In fact, they hate it so much they have religious groups trying to pass a law that will carry a death penalty for anyone caught enjoying some kiss and tickle with the same-sex. Uganda, this is so backwards and beyond primitive in thinking that I don’t even know where to begin. As Ray William Johnson said, “They should name a hurricane after this Pastor, Hurricane Asshole!” I thought homosexuality referred to same-sex relationships not people who enjoy eatin’ da poo poo.

I think Pastor McCrazy needs to come out the closet and admit he has spent way too many hours “researching” obscure gay porn and could be trying to mask his true love for hot man on man action. Another thing Pastor, do you realize you have also offended Steve Jobs? I’m pretty sure that is blatant misuse of an Apple Mac. You also said “licking the anus like ice cream”, like it was a bad thing.

I know what you’re thinking Sarah Palin. “When will Barack Obama act on this issue and blow up Uganda?” Shut your face Miss Baked Alaska. Repeat after me: “More silence. Less Facebook.”

As reported by Hello! Magazine, Keanu Reeves has shown his generosity by giving away £50 million of his earnings from the Matrix sequels. The 38-year-old decided to hand over the money to the unsung heroes of the sci-fi blockbusters – the costume and special effects teams.

Keanu is expected to make a total of £70 million from the films, thanks to a deal which guarantees him a 15 per cent profit-share, so he will still net around £20 million. Asked about his prodigious act of generosity, the actor said he already had enough cash. “Money is the last thing I think about. I could live on what I have already made for the next few centuries,” he declared.

And it’s not the first time the Beirut-born star has shown his jaw-dropping benevolence. While shooting the films in Australia he amazed the team of stuntmen by giving them each a £6,000 Harley Davidson motorcycle. And the actor, whose sister has leukaemia, has also channelled millions into cancer research. He is also known for regularly taking entire crews of stage hands and ‘grunt workers’ out for free breakfast or lunch on film projects right back to the 90s.

His gift to the Matrix series’ 29 behind-the-scenes whiz-kids will see each of them receiving £1.75 million.

I have to admit I have a newfound respect for Mr Reeves. Besides the fact that he is immortal and The Matrix is real. He seems like a genuine down-to-earth guy. And now that he’s giving away money to unsung heroes he’s even got karma on his side. He is also less weird than Tom Cruise and starred in Point Break.

Proof of his immortality…


…and a friend to ALL cats.

Today is Friday. I can almost hear people simultaneously shout out, “It’s the weekend baby!” Except, I am working all weekend and don’t call me baby. I can’t seem to shake off this sore throat. The same sore throat that ruined my birthday on Wednesday and has been fueling this ridiculous fever and listlessness. Where is Oprah when you really need her?
I’m not feeling sorry for myself but I did change my blog theme to ‘Greyzed’ because it described itself as ‘dark and grungy.’ Do the math.

Sometimes music helps.

Now, read this poem by Charles Bukowski.

I made a mistake.
I reached up into the top of the closet
and took out a pair of blue panties
and showed them to her and
asked “are these yours?”
and she looked and said,
“no, those belong to a dog.”
she left after that and I haven’t seen
her since. she’s not at her place.
I keep going there, leaving notes stuck
into the door. I go back and the notes
are still there. I take the Maltese cross
cut it down from my car mirror, tie it
to her doorknob with a shoelace, leave
a book of poems.
when I go back the next night everything
is still there.
I keep searching the streets for that
blood-wine battleship she drives
with a weak battery, and the doors
hanging from broken hinges.
I drive around the streets
an inch away from weeping,
ashamed of my sentimentality and
possible love.
a confused old man driving in the rain
wondering where the good luck
went.

What is wrong with me? Nothing. It’s a virus. I’ll live. Men can be such miserable bastards when we’re sick. Besides, the Football World Cup starts exactly one week from today. Big reason to smile :)