Award Winning One-Liners

Posted: 2010/08/24 in General News, Quotes
Tags: , , , , , ,

Via: BBC News
Comedian Tim Vine has won a prize for the funniest joke of this year’s Edinburgh Fringe. The pun pundit, who won the Perrier newcomer award in 1995, was presented with his latest prize by digital TV channel Dave.

His winning one-liner was: “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”

Competition organisers said each judge sat through an average of 60 performances, totalling 3,600 minutes of comedy material. They may only have skimmed the surface, however. The Fringe website lists 883 comedy shows taking place during the festival’s month-long run.

The TOP 10 Award Winners:

Tim Vine “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”

David Gibson “I’m currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.”

Emo Philips “I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.”

Jack Whitehall “I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say ‘bought’, I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.”

Gary Delaney “As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.”

John Bishop “Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.”

Bo Burnham “What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.”

Gary Delaney “Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it’s what he would have wanted.”

Gareth Richards “Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can’t be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…”

Dan Antopolski “How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan.”

Antopolski’s inclusion in the “worst joke” list comes just a year after he won the Dave trophy. His winning joke was: “Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge?”

My turn…

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