Archive for 2010/08/26

Be honest, when you really think about it North Korea is pretty damn funky. Besides, propaganda videos of Kim Jong-il are so boring without music.

“FACT”: He had a supernatural birth
According to North Korean historical literature, Kim Jong Il was born in a log cabin inside a secret base on Korea’s most sacred mountain, Mt. Paekdu. At the moment of his birth, a bright star lit up the sky, the seasons spontaneously changed from winter to spring, and rainbows appeared. This contradicts way less interesting Western accounts of his birth, which state the dictator was born in a guerilla camp in Russia, while his father was on the run from the Japanese.

“FACT”: The world loves him
According to state-run media, Kimg Jong Il is the most prominent statesman in the present world, and people in countries the whole planet over celebrate his birthday with films and festivals. In reality, most nations are confused by his erratic foreign policy decisions on important issues such as N. Korea’s nuclear program.

“FACT”: He is the best natural golfer in history
In 1994, it was reported by Pyongyang media outlets that Kim Jong Il shot 38 under par on a regulation 18-hole golf course – including 5 holes in one! That score is 25 shots better than the best round in history, and is made even more amazing by the fact that it was his first time playing the sport. It’s said Kim Jong Il would routinely sink 3 or 4 holes in one per round of golf, and – lucky for the PGA – he has since given it up.

“FACT”: At one time was the world’s biggest buyer of Hennessy
For a few years in the early 1990s, it was confirmed by Hennessy that Kim Jong Il was it’s best customer, spending about $600,000 to $850,000 annually on the liquor. He is partial to the Paradis cognac, which can sell for over $700 per bottle. In comparison, the average North Korean makes about $1000 per year. Gangsta.

The Legendary Shots hits possibly the best shot they have ever made, from the Stratos-Fear ride at Alabama Adventure in Birmingham, Alabama. This is the first and last time I will ever say this: “Thank you Alabama!”

Yeaaaaaaaaah! Yeaaaaaaaah Boy!

Correction. I thought that was the best shot ever until I watched this…

This is why people never get any work done.


The WTF Basketball Is Still Boring Award of the Week

This is the best invention in the world. Fuck off with your wheels, cars and Apple products. Boozy meat wins every time. Supermarkets of the world please take note!

2nd best South African invention ever…