Posts Tagged ‘North Korea’

North Korea’s neighbours and the wider world were last night nervously awaiting any dangerous developments after the sudden death of leader Kim Jong-il. The 69-year-old head of the nuclear-armed nation was said to have suffered a massive heart attack on his luxury private train on Saturday morning. Fantastic news! Now watch as brainwashed North Koreans weep hysterically at the news…

17 Crazy Facts about Kim Jong Il you need to know!

Be honest, when you really think about it North Korea is pretty damn funky. Besides, propaganda videos of Kim Jong-il are so boring without music.

“FACT”: He had a supernatural birth
According to North Korean historical literature, Kim Jong Il was born in a log cabin inside a secret base on Korea’s most sacred mountain, Mt. Paekdu. At the moment of his birth, a bright star lit up the sky, the seasons spontaneously changed from winter to spring, and rainbows appeared. This contradicts way less interesting Western accounts of his birth, which state the dictator was born in a guerilla camp in Russia, while his father was on the run from the Japanese.

“FACT”: The world loves him
According to state-run media, Kimg Jong Il is the most prominent statesman in the present world, and people in countries the whole planet over celebrate his birthday with films and festivals. In reality, most nations are confused by his erratic foreign policy decisions on important issues such as N. Korea’s nuclear program.

“FACT”: He is the best natural golfer in history
In 1994, it was reported by Pyongyang media outlets that Kim Jong Il shot 38 under par on a regulation 18-hole golf course – including 5 holes in one! That score is 25 shots better than the best round in history, and is made even more amazing by the fact that it was his first time playing the sport. It’s said Kim Jong Il would routinely sink 3 or 4 holes in one per round of golf, and – lucky for the PGA – he has since given it up.

“FACT”: At one time was the world’s biggest buyer of Hennessy
For a few years in the early 1990s, it was confirmed by Hennessy that Kim Jong Il was it’s best customer, spending about $600,000 to $850,000 annually on the liquor. He is partial to the Paradis cognac, which can sell for over $700 per bottle. In comparison, the average North Korean makes about $1000 per year. Gangsta.