Archive for 2010/03/18

The blog, which was launched by London-dweller Karen Slavick-Lennard nearly a year ago, features the ramblings of her husband, Adam, a mild-mannered Brit who totally Mr. Hydes-out when he starts snoozing. Karen sets up a recorder upon going to bed in order to catch the pearls that fall form her honey’s lips, many of which are laden with four-letter words and condemnations of lentils. The best part is that none of this is related to dreaming. As the Sleep Talkin’ Man FAQ explains, dreaming and sleep talking actually happen during completely different parts of the sleep cycle.

In terms of viral blogs, this is genuinely one of the funniest out there, mostly because it’s honest, strange and entirely unique. Here is today’s sleep talk from Adam – March 18:
“I want to see the piglets. Let me see the piglets. Why can’t I see the piglets? Ohhhh, piglets! …Fuck they stink! I want to go home now. Stinky fucking piglets.”
Below are some random hilarious highlights:

– “I made snot pictures. I sneeze in my gallery, all day. Lots of different colours. Making bogey money.
– “Being horizontal is a state of mind, not just necessary.”
– “Lentils are evil. Pure fucking oozing evil. Take them away from me.”
– “You try feeding me any processed soya, you’re going to find it very hard to wipe your ass without any fucking arms.”
– “Me, fat? Think again, titty-fuck. I taught my muscles to be in a zen-like state of relaxation. Permanently.”
– “Kiss me. Tastes good, doesn’t it. Why don’t you go back and have a second helping? Be greedy.”
– “Of course blue dogs are more expensive. Pink dogs are shite.”
– “Awesomeness now has a name. Let me introduce myself.”
– “Barbie dolls. I’ve got to use barbie dolls. They’re so underrated!”
– “Pants off! Air the jewels, air the jewels.”

Death was a band formed in Detroit, Michigan, in 1971 by brothers Bobby (bass, vocals), David (guitar), and Dannis (drums) Hackney. The African-American trio started out as an R&B band but switched to rock after seeing an Alice Cooper show. Music critic Peter Margasak retrospectively wrote of their musical direction, “The youngest of the brothers, guitarist David, pushed the group in a hard-rock direction that presaged punk, and while this certainly didn’t help them find a following in the mid-70s, today it makes them look like visionaries.”

The group’s music has been almost completely unheard since the band stopped performing more than three decades ago. But after all the years of silence, Death’s moment has finally arrived. Jack White of the White Stripes, who was raised in Detroit, said in an e-mail message: “The first time the stereo played ‘Politicians in My Eyes,’ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. When I was told the history of the band and what year they recorded this music, it just didn’t make sense. Ahead of punk, and ahead of their time.”

Forgotten except by the most fervent punk rock record collectors — the band’s self-released 1976 single recently traded hands for the equivalent of $800 — Death would likely have remained lost in obscurity if not for the discovery last year of a 1974 demo tape in Bobby Sr.’s attic. Released last month by Drag City Records as “… For the Whole World to See,” Death’s newly unearthed recordings reveal a remarkable missing link between the high-energy hard rock of Detroit bands like the Stooges and MC5 from the late 1960s and early ’70s and the high-velocity assault of punk from its breakthrough years of 1976 and ’77. Death’s songs “Politicians in My Eyes,” “Keep On Knocking” and “Freakin Out” are scorching blasts of feral ur-punk, making the brothers unwitting artistic kin to their punk-pioneer contemporaries the Ramones, in New York; Rocket From the Tombs, in Cleveland; and the Saints, in Brisbane, Australia. They also preceded Bad Brains, the most celebrated African-American punk band, by almost five years.

According to various sources, Sandra Bullock has split with Jesse James. Normally, I wouldn’t think it necessary to blog about this sort of thing but since Sandra Bullock won the Best Actress Oscar in front of her tearfully supportive husband only two weeks ago something suspicious is going on. And by the power of Greyskull I will find out.

It wasn’t until yesterday that news spread about Jesse James cheating on his wife, but she obviously knew about it before then, because she moved out on Monday. The tatoo-laden ‘other woman’ who calls herself “The Socal Bombshell” must hold the record for the most tatoos on a mistress in history. She is the polar opposite of Sandra Bullock. Bullock’s clean, athletic, untatooed body has been featured on the cover of glamour magazines around the world; Michelle McGee’s body has been featured on her MySpace page. She is also an official model for AngryWhiteGirl clothing. I would never have expected that. According to her bio, she’s in med school and 90 percent covered in ink. Sounds like she’ll be a good doctor. “Hi Boys, I’m Michelle Bombshell, the busty tattoo goddess of your dreams. I’m 90% covered in the most artistic tats ever, head to toe. Except for my DD boobs! I am the hottest busty tattoo and fetish model you will ever meet on a webcam. Come have a hot and steamy affair with inked girls like me on live video.” Give her credit. She outlines what she wants fairly clearly. No innuendos there.

Jesse James and his tough guy act is so old and dated. Oohh, sleeve tattoos and motorcycles. What a rebel. I’ve never seen that before. He should change his name to Jesse Stereotype. It seems he really is a bad boy though and will now be killed. Wait, I mean kicked out on his ass.

While Sandra was away shooting ‘The Blind Side’ in Atlanta her husband was enjoying weekly meetings with Miss Soft Core Porn Tattoo.The two apparently met when McGee sent James a friend request because she hoped to model for him. She claims James responded on his personal email, asking to meet her. The affair allegedly started a week later when McGee made the two-hour drive from her San Diego home to West Coast Choppers in LA. It seems motorcycles are really the ones to blame here. No bikes. No tattooed tough girl photoshoots. No greasy hanky spanky. First, golf ruins Tiger Woods’ marriage now motorcycles ruin Sandra Bullock’s marriage. When will women take responsibility and not allow men to have dangerous hobbies like Golf.

According to Forbes, Bullock is worth 85 million dollars, so all this retard James had to do was have sex with Sandra Bullock forever and he’d get to split 85 million dollars. If anyone has ever been this fucking stupid before, the government has kept it under wraps, so as not to embolden American enemies.

Meanwhile, an important shipment arrives in Iraq to help the troops.