Posts Tagged ‘Lindsay Lohan in Jail’

Lindsay Lohan is in jail, and by “in jail” I mean under house arrest and by “house arrest” I mean a $1.4 million condo on Venice Beach. Apparently, celebrities who repeatedly break the law are not only given comfortable sentences but are also free to make a 15 second porno while still under house arrest…and by “porno” I mean a 15 second promo for How much did she make? Only $25 000 and an extra $10 000 bidding credit on the site. So to tell you about how you too can start bidding right away and save up to 94% on items sold by a company with an “F” Better Business Bureau rating because they are a complete scam here’s Lindsay…

Endorsed by Lindsay Lohan! Sign up today!
“The site itself says they offer “unbelievable deals on brand new, brand name products, every day!” So when you think about it this sort of makes sense, because if there’s anyone who knows how to get brand new merchandise for nothing, it’s Lindsay Lohan.” (Quote via: WWTDD)

Why do we continue to care about semi-celebrity fuck ups when there are so many more important things to worry about like politics?


“Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive!”

Today Lindsay’s bail was revoked, she was cuffed and taken into custody. THERE IS NO BAIL! Breaking reports say she cannot get out of jail, she will be in prison until her court date, Oct 22. She will be taken from court immediately back to Lynwood, the same jail where she was last time. Why is this all happening again? Well, Firecrotch tested positive twice for narcotics and violated her probabtion in the few weeks since getting out of jail.

Reports from inside the court say Lohan’s attorney asked about bail and Judge Elden Fox interrupted her and said, “No”. They say Lindsay was very stoic this time, no crying, no thrashing about. This is as harsh as the judge could have possibly been. She will be processed again today, meaning a new booking photo.

There is no possibility of early release for this, the sheriff CANNOT let her out. The judge can change her mind but no she won’t…unless…no, she won’t.
To celebrate, here are some recent pics of Lindsay out in public showing off her breasts. You’re welcome.

Based on the examples below, when a celebrity goes to jail in LA, they only serve about 5 percent of their sentence before the sheriff lets them out. So why is Lindsay Lohan condemned to her private cell for two weeks, as if she’s some wild animal. That’s not 5 percent, that’s 15. When she went to jail in 2007 for her second DUI conviction, she only served about 1 percent of her sentence. Now it’s up to 15%, like she’s a criminal.

“People spend a lot of time and money designing jails to make sure criminals can’t get out after you lock them up, but even the best designs have flaws. In this case it’s because the sheriff keeps opening the door. I’m not trying to tell anyone how to do their job, but if you could stop doing that, that would be great. ” WWTDD

Michelle Rodriguez – In 2006 she was sentenced to 60 days in jail. She was released after 4 hours and 20 minutes.

Paris Hilton – In 2007 she was sentenced to 45 days in jail. She was released after 4 days.

Lindsay Lohan – In 2007 she was sentenced to 4 days in jail, with a court ordered minimum of 24 hours. She was released after 84 minutes.

Nicole Richie – In 2007 she was sentenced to 4 days in jail. She was released after 82 minutes.

Michelle Rodriguez – In 2008 she was sentenced to 180 days in jail. She was released after 17.

With a little editing Seinfeld seamlessly becomes the first-rate crime thriller feature Serenity Now. The song playing throughout is “Vicious Traditions” by the Veils.

Since crime seems to be the theme for today. Here’s an exclusive excerpt from Lindsay Lohan’s diary in jail.
Day 2: “This morning I read the new issue of INSTYLE Magazine from cover to cover. I can’t believe they only have the June issue of ELLE. They treat us like criminals. Seriously!

Lindsay Lohan has been in jail since this morning, but thanks to the softies in the LA County Sheriffs Department, she’ll only be there for 14 days.

The LA Times reported, “Lohan is expected to serve only 14 days of her 90-day sentence, according to the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department. Her “projected release date” is August 2, according to a booking document. Officials say Lohan was “completely cooperative” when she was booked into the jail. She is being kept in isolation in a 12 foot by 8 foot cell with only a toilet, a sink, a stool, a small tabletop and a 6 inch window.

Non-violent offenders typically serve 25 percent of their sentence, so Lindsays 90 days was expected to be 22. Yet because law enforcement in LA does everything possible to coddle celebrities, Lindsay will only serve 14 percent, and she’ll do it all by herself in a private cell.

So really they might as well just let her out now, because this won’t do anything whatsoever. Thank you, California, for not taking this matter too seriously. You would have done more to help Lindsay by banning her from going to Starbucks. Guess what? Now, we get to listen to her posse of star friends offering her words of support in the media and get to watch Lindsay milk this experience for all it’s worth. I smell a book deal and a Lohan Release Party in Vegas sponsored by crack.

Elsewhere in the world of messed up celebrities, Paris Hilton took a break yesterday from flashing her boobs by flashing her panties again…